Although eating disorders are an important part of the conversation about mental health, they are overlooked, blown off, stigmatized, and very often misunderstood. But they are real and relevant and they are impacting an increasing number of people, worldwide.
As of 2021, it is estimated that approximately 30 million Americans live with an eating disorder. In order to help those that are dealing with eating disorders, or to overcome one ourselves, we need to understand them and be aware of the resources that are available to aid in recovery.
I have fought disordered eating for over nine years. During this time I have learned a lot about these conditions. Though everyone’s experience with eating disorders is different, I hope that the things I have learned throughout my journey can be helpful to someone else. My eating disorder had a dominating and consuming hold on my life for several years. In my effort to have control over something, I spun out of control. It was a trial that felt overwhelming and lonely at times. In the last couple of years I have seen that, though my illness left me feeling isolated, I was never alone. It was when I understood this that I truly began my road to recovery. From then on I have made it a goal to help other people that are fighting similar battles to know that they too, are not alone. I am grateful that I am able to use my own struggles to assist others in getting through theirs.
I have spent a lot of time learning about eating disorders and familiarizing myself with them in order to be a better ally for people that are dealing with them. In this post I will be sharing some of the misunderstandings that are commonly perceived about eating disorders, a few resources that have helped me, as well as some suggestions of ways you can help someone that is battling an eating disorder.
So, What IS an Eating Disorder, Anyway?
Eating disorders are psychological conditions that impact the way a person approaches food. They come in all different shapes and sizes. While there are labels for the various eating disorders, each person is unique in their experience. There is no one way to have an eating disorder.
Anorexia nervosa is probably the most well-known eating disorder, and is likely the one that first comes to mind in discussing this topic. People with anorexia nervosa typically have a severe preoccupation with weight and will experience an intense fear of gaining weight, even if they are very underweight. They may limit their food/ calorie intake or compensate for eating through purging behaviors.
Bulimia nervosa is another common eating disorder. A person with this condition will binge eat until they are painfully full. They will then purge to make up for the calories they consumed. Purging can constitute forced vomiting, fasting, excessive exercise, or laxatives. People with bulimia will usually maintain a normal weight, rather than falling underweight.
Binge eating is considered to be the most common eating disorder in the United States. Victims of this condition will behave similarly to those with bulimia. They will eat large amounts of food in a short amount of time. They will frequently feel a lack of control during binges. However, unlike bulimia, binge eating disorder does not include limiting calories or purging. People who suffer from this disorder are usually overweight.
There are other types of eating disorders as well, such as being obsessed with healthy eating, craving and eating non-food substances, and avoiding or restricting certain foods due to intense distaste or lack of interest. Whatever their classification, eating disorders are dangerous and can lead to serious health complications. Treatment and recovery are important.
Common Misconceptions About Eating Disorders
1. They only affect white, teenage girls
The image that is commonly associated with eating disorders is a very thin, white, girl between the ages of 14 and 21. However, anyone can experience an eating disorder. They are seen in people of all races, socio-economic status, sexual orientations, genders, etc. Eating disorders are not exclusive.
2. Everyone who has an eating disorder is “skinny,” or an unhealthy weight.
Each physical body experiences an eating disorder differently than another. A person may be suffering from an eating disorder but still appear to be at a healthy weight, and have a BMI that is considered normal. They could also be overweight. BMI is not a good indication of whether or not someone is dealing with an eating disorder.
3. Eating disorders are all about food
While “eating” is in the label, eating disorders are not all about food. They are complex health conditions that are built from more than just negative body image or an issue with food. Eating disorders often develop when someone suffers from perfectionism, trauma, feels a lack of control, or is dealing with other psychological conditions. These problems can lead to an obsession over weight, body shape, and food.
Resources for people who struggle with an eating disorder
When I first started to confront my eating disorder and accept that I needed to take action to recover, a friend said something that has stuck with me for years. They said, “asking for help is never a sign of weakness, but a call for strength.” I often find myself referring back to these words. We all have times when we can’t handle something on our own. It is for this reason that people and resources have been placed in our path to answer our call for strength. It is important that we take advantage of these things and learn and grow from them. As we do, we will gain a greater capacity to stand tall on our own, and to answer someone else’s call for strength. Here are a few resources to turn to when you or someone you know needs help.
1. Books
Many books have been written with the goal to help people overcome eating disorders and discover a happier, healthier version of themselves. I can personally recommend two that I found particularly helpful, but there are lots of books out there! Take recommendations and do your own research to find a few that will benefit you.
Life Without ED by Jenni Schaefer
This book details how one woman overcame her eating disorder by giving it its own personality. She personified it, calling it Ed, and treated it like a toxic relationship rather than a condition. Schaefer provides advice and tells her own story to help readers “break up” with the Ed in their life.
2. Talk it Out
I think there’s a notion that in our society that going to counseling is somehow bad, and should be used as a last result. Let’s ditch this idea! Talking to a counselor can be such a great way to heal and I honestly think everyone should go to counseling at some point in their life! Counseling can be very helpful. Not only can it help you get to the root of your problem, but talking to someone can take the weight off of your shoulders. It can be a freeing experience. Counselors are professionals who can give you valuable advice about how to improve your life and your happiness. Start with these resources:
Call the National Eating Disorders Helpline
Find a therapist at Psychology Today
Explore your options with info from The Mayo Clinic
Counseling is a great option, but it can also be really helpful to open up to the people that love you. It is so comforting to know that there are people cheering you on and supporting you through your trials.
In severe cases, it may be necessary to look into inpatient treatment centers to overcome an eating disorder. Find eating disorder inpatient treatment in all 50 states here.
3. Fill your feed
Social media is a big contributor to perfectionism, body image, and self-esteem issues. Scrolling through post after post that makes you feel like you need to change things about yourself or your life is exhausting! Unfollowing accounts that bring you unhappiness is a small thing you can do to combat an eating disorder. After that, follow accounts that are uplifting and make you feel good! There are lots of accounts that focus on helping people who are struggling with eating disorders. Their posts offer advice and resources that can be really helpful. Here are a few of accounts to follow on Instagram:
4. Celebrate the small victories
Like with any recovery, getting over an eating disorder is a process. There will be good days and bad days- days that seem easier and days that feel impossibly hard. Along the way, be proud of yourself (or your loved one) for the simple wins. They are what contribute to the greater victory! Each day is an important step towards becoming stronger and more resilient. My experience has been painful, exhausting, and often discouraging. But it has also been filled with accomplishment. Looking back, I can be proud of how far I’ve come even as I recognize that I still have a lot ahead of me. Here are a few suggestions about how to celebrate and acknowledge the small things:
- Keep a journal! Each day write down 3-5 things that went well that day. You can write down something you did that was hard for you, something that you were proud of, something that made you happy, anything!! Even on the hardest of days there are good things to be found.
- Compliment yourself in the mirror! Give yourself a little love! Think about the way you talk to yourself, and the way you talk to your best friend. There are things that we say about and to ourselves that we would never say to our best friends. Best friends are meant to build each other up, give each other confidence, and to support each other. Do the same for yourself! Spend some time telling yourself good things. Remind your body and mind of how amazing they are! If you catch yourself saying negative things, counter it with a few positive things. Change the conversation! Be the kind of friend to yourself that you are to your best friend.
- Do something you love! Spend some time each day doing something that brings you happiness. For me that is painting, playing the guitar, running, or getting a diet coke from Swig. Doing simple things like this brightens your day. Make sure that you are rewarding yourself for the things you accomplish each day by doing something that brings you joy. Give yourself a break from focusing on the harder and more serious aspects of life by setting aside time to do happy things!
How to be supportive of Someone else
It can be intimidating to help someone recover from any mental illness, eating disorders included. We often don’t know what to do or say. But making someone feel supported and loved is essential to a successful recovery. There is no right way to be there for someone, but in my experience I have found things that made a difference for me. I’ll explain some of those things here, but if you are trying to help someone, ask them what you can do! There may be something specific that they need.
1. Refrain From Making comments about weight
Saying, “you are so skinny” or “wow you have lost so much weight,” often contributes to guilt or self-consciousness, rather than being productive. People with eating disorders are consumed with thoughts about their weight and body. It isn’t helpful to hear someone else acknowledge it as well. Something that I have heard a lot is, “if you think you’re fat, what do you think of me?” This creates such an uncomfortable situation. People with eating disorders most likely are not judging you or your body. They are thinking only about their own circumstances. Avoid comparing yourself or asking them to participate in comparison. Instead, show that you care by asking them how they are doing and what’s going on in their life rather than stating the obvious.
2. Spend some time
Once again, everyone experiences eating disorders differently. But one thing that I found very helpful was when people offered to eat with me. I had friends sit at the table for hours with me, eating so slowly, so that I didn’t feel alone. If you are worried about someone with an eating disorder, invite them to eat with you! I also found it helpful to go on walks after I ate. After you eat, go on a walk, talk about something other than food, and just be there. The most helpful thing is to know that someone genuinely cares about you and wants you to be healthy and happy. Think of ways that you can spend time with the person in your life who is struggling in a helpful way.
3. Encourage to seek help
This can be difficult, but is one of the best things you can do for someone. Approach the conversation with love and concern, using “I” statements, rather than being accusatory. Be honest and make yourself clear, while being caring. There are lots of resources that provide advice on helping someone with an eating disorder. Consult them if you are feeling lost or stressed. Here are a couple of suggestions:
Eating disorders are difficult, whether you are dealing with one yourself or are worried about someone else that is struggling. However, it is so important that you do have the potential, capacity, and strength to change your story. There is strength in numbers, so remember that you are never alone! If you personally aren’t struggling, be someone that others can talk to. If you are facing an eating disorder, turn to those that love you. There are so many voices, including Divine voices from heaven, cheering you on. You don’t have to struggle by yourself. There is help and hope and light to be found.